Orientation Day One

I wasn't planning on posting today, but other events have changed plans. Today has been very strange for me, obviously one of beginnings, but also one of endings. I was pulled out of one of the first meetings of today to find out that my grandfather has passed away. He'd been unwell, and it wasn't a surprise in that sense, but he'd been unwell for so long that it feels fresh in a way.

It's also difficult, being here, away from family, away from so many of my common comforts, but it is also good that I'm so busy, or at least, it's helping me right now, even if I sometimes feel awkward or guilty for laughing at a joke, but I've just been so in and out of everything today, I can't fathom what I should be doing, the excitement I feel about what we're doing here is great as a counter, but I worry that I'm not mourning properly, that I can't here. His funeral won't be until January, they are holding that off so my Mom can get back, and I might be able to come back for that.

I wish I could talk about the rest of today, what kinds of things we've done for orientation and what not, but I honestly just don't remember it, my focus has been so many other places. Bizarrely enough, the thing that keeps popping into my head is a paraphrase of an explanation Langdon Gilkey gave in testimony at the trial described in his book Creationism on Trial of the difference between science and religion using weather.

"Why are we having rain today', well, the answer is because of a cold pressure front and so forth and so on. That kind of `why' question, but the kind of `why' question that is quite different, `why did it happen to rain on my wedding', is not the kind of question the weatherman will be able to answer."

Gilkey is implying that the weatherman cannot answer that question because that is a question for God and religion, not science. It is an excellent example of how religion and science are different, and I have often used it in that context, but it is much less pleasing when the refrain I just keep thinking 'I understand why he died, he was over 90 years old, but Why, my Lord, did he have to die today?'

I do not doubt that there is purpose, and reason to this timing, and if I were to be with any group of strangers and near strangers, this is probably the best of them, but even though they are all incredibly wonderful and caring people, I just don't know how to receive their care. Perhaps that is what I'll have to learn from this, but it still really sucks.

Oh, we took a Myers-Briggs test today, I flipped from an I to an E (NFP). I've got to say, I'm kind of curious about that switch.

And now I'm late for dinner, so I'm going to go eat.